Exercise and Identity in Motherhood: 5 Powerful Ways Movement Helps You Feel Like You Again

Dear Mum Who Feels Like She’s Lost Herself...

You’re not failing. You’re not lazy. And you’re not the only one who looks in the mirror some days and doesn’t recognise the person staring back. This letter is for you - the mum who’s been trying to juggle it all and wonders when, or if, she’ll ever feel like herself again.

Let’s talk about exercise.

Not as a tool to lose weight. Not as something else to feel guilty about not doing. But as a lifeline. As a way back to you.

What if I told you that movement can be the most powerful act of identity you ever take? That it could give you confidence, calm, clarity, energy - and a sense of control again?

I want to show you five ways movement has helped me and other mums I support reclaim who we are. This isn’t a to-do list. This is a love letter to your future self.

1. Self‑Efficacy: Remembering What You're Capable Of

A year after my second C‑section, I stood at the starting line of the London Marathon. The heat was scorching. My knee was giving me grief (because, let’s be honest, postpartum bodies come with some surprises). But I wasn’t there to break records. I was there to prove something. Not to anyone else, but to me.

This had been a dream of mine for years. And in my 40th year, I decided it was now or never. I followed a training plan that worked with my mum-life. I asked for help, outsourced where I could (hello, extra childcare), and protected that time like it was sacred. And I didn’t train for a time. I trained for joy.

I’ll never forget crossing that finish line. Or the look on my daughter’s face as she wore my medal the next day and told her teachers that she wants to run a marathon too.

My first run back? Ten minutes. Half of it walking. I remember thinking, “How will I ever do 26.2 miles?”

But I had a vision. I set manageable goals. I made it happen. And with every step, I felt more like me again.

And guess what happened next? I believed in myself. Fully, unequivocally. If I could run a marathon, what else could I achieve? Suddenly, nothing felt as difficult or unachievable. In all areas of life.

💡 Easy Tip: Set one goal this week that’s just for you. A 10-minute walk. A 15-minute YouTube workout. Not for calories. For confidence. And see what else it leads you to.

2. Mental Clarity: Calming the Chaos in Your Head

One of the women I support - a brilliant, busy mum of five with a partner on shifts - used to describe her brain as foggy soup. She’d start things and never finish them. She felt overwhelmed, distracted, and depleted. ADHD tendencies? Maybe. But mostly? Mental load overload.

We didn’t start with big workouts. Just a commitment: move three times a week, however it fits.

Fast forward three weeks? She’s thinking clearly, sleeping better, making empowered decisions, and saying things like, “I just wish I’d done this sooner. It’s too important not to.”

Here’s why: exercise boosts dopamine and BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor) - two key chemicals that help with focus, mood, and cognitive clarity. It’s why schools are adopting “The Daily Mile” or giving movement breaks between lessons. It’s not just about burning energy - it’s about building brains.

💡 Easy Tip: Feel scatterbrained? Take 10 minutes and walk without your phone. You might come back with an answer you didn’t know you had.

3. Productivity: Movement Fuels Your Mission

Let me be honest: I’ve had days where I’ve sat on the sofa, too tired to think, kids climbing all over me, wondering how I’ll ever run a business or finish the to-do list.

Then I move. A short run, a walk, a stretch. Something shifts.

That’s how I’ve found the clarity to run my travel business - to lead team trainings, plan retreats, support other mums, and grow a movement around movement. I’ve trimmed the fat, cut the fluff, and I do it again every time I lace up.

It’s not just me. A major study found that working mums who meet basic movement guidelines report higher productivity and quality of life. That’s why schools schedule physical activity - it sharpens minds and energises learning. The same applies to us.

💡 Easy Tip: Feeling sluggish? Try a 5-minute energy burst (star jumps, walking lunges, dance break). THEN tackle your to-do list.

4. Reduced Stress: Regulating the Rollercoaster

Dinner time used to be my daily meltdown moment. One child tugging on my leg, the other claiming imminent starvation, food burning, me snapping. So I did an experiment: tracked my stress score (1–10) every day for two weeks during that dreaded hour.

I also noted: had I moved that day? Had the kids had outside time? Had we been active as a family?

Here’s what I found: On the days I exercised, my average stress score dropped from 9 to 4.

Science backs this up: movement lowers cortisol and boosts serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins. It’s literal chemistry for a calmer you.

💡 Easy Tip: Identify your stress hour. Then schedule movement before it - even if it’s a kitchen dance party or 10 squats.

5. Capacity and Resilience: Combating DMS (Depleted Mother Syndrome)

If you haven’t heard of DMS, it’s that feeling of being drained to your core: mentally, emotionally, physically. It’s real. And it affects so many of us.

According to research, DMS isn’t just exhaustion. It’s the slow erosion of identity, joy, and capacity from years of over-functioning and under-caring for ourselves.

Exercise helps because it replenishes. It grounds you back in your body. It gives you something that’s yours. And it gently tells your nervous system, “You’re safe. You’re strong. You’re still here.”

I’ve seen it in my own life. On the days I move, I mother better. I think clearer. I laugh more. I bounce back quicker.

💡 Easy Tip: Plan two non-negotiable “you” movement moments this week. They’re not optional. They’re essential.

Final Thoughts: This Isn’t About Losing Weight. It’s About Finding You

You don’t need to earn your rest. Or your joy. Or your sense of self. You already deserve all of it.

Movement isn’t another box to tick. It’s a way home.

And if you want support - real, mum-life, guilt-free, flexible support - I’ve got you. Follow me @itsemmapickford to be part of a community that gets it. Where small steps matter. Where identity is rebuilt, not lost. And where movement is a reminder that you still matter.

See you there you lovely lot. 💛

How to Reclaim Exercise After Having Kids: A Guilt-Free Guide for Overwhelmed Mums

Let’s be honest. You wake up already exhausted. Before your feet even hit the floor, your brain is playing catch-up. Mental checklists, snack negotiations, “where’s my PE kit?” chaos and you haven’t even had a sip of coffee yet. Every part of your morning feels like it belongs to everyone else.

You tell yourself you’ll fit in a workout later. Or maybe tomorrow.

Or, let’s be real, Monday. Again.

But deep down, you already know: Monday never really comes.

The workouts get skipped. The guilt creeps in. You see other busy mums who exercise and somehow have it together. Glowing, consistent, energised -  and you feel like a background character in your own life. The worst part? You used to be that woman too.

If this sounds like your inner monologue — hi, you’re not alone. And you’re definitely not broken. But we do need to talk about the thing quietly driving this spiral for so many of us.

Mum guilt.

It’s that subtle, sneaky voice whispering, “You should be doing something else. You don’t have time for this. The kids come first.”

And when it comes to exercise? That guilt is often the first reason we stop - and the last reason we start again.

So, what is mum guilt - and why does it hit so hard?

Mum guilt is that familiar, heavy feeling that you’re not doing “enough” for your kids — or that taking time for yourself is somehow selfish. It’s irrational, exhausting, and (annoyingly) incredibly common.

We’re talking about a generation of women who are told to “fill their cup” but also never let it run over. And don’t even get me started in this notion that we should have time to fill our cup so that we can fill it for others. No, thank you please. We fill our cups mum, because they deserve to be full, thank you please. End of story. So we squeeze in movement around everyone else, or not at all. Because the moment we prioritise our own wellbeing? The guilt sets in.

But what is it really costing us?

It’s not just that we miss a workout. It’s what not moving does to our mental health, our identity, and our sense of control in a world that often feels like it’s spinning without us.

According to a 2021 study published in BMC Public Health, mothers who experience guilt around prioritising physical activity are significantly more likely to report lower self-esteem, higher stress, and symptoms of depression - all while perceiving themselves as “failing” at being a “good” mum.

And it makes sense. Exercise isn’t just about fitness - it’s often the only space we have to breathe, process, move through emotion, and feel like ourselves. Without it, the cost adds up:

• Our energy dips.

• Our patience wears thin.

• Our confidence quietly erodes.

• And we lose the one anchor that reminded us: I matter too.

Why does mum guilt hit hardest around exercise?

Let’s be honest: motherhood already demands everything from us. Our time, our bodies, our sleep, and sometimes even our dreams.

So when we finally carve out time for a workout - even a 20-minute one - it can feel indulgent. Unjustified. Like something we have to “earn.”

Add in the logistical barriers (childcare, time, exhaustion, unpredictable naps), and suddenly the guilt has the perfect breeding ground. We feel selfish for trying. Lazy for not doing enough. And ashamed when we can’t seem to make anything stick.

But here’s the truth you’ve probably never been told:

Prioritising your body is not ‘deprioritising’ your family. It’s fuelling you to show up with more joy, more strength, and more presence.

Overcoming Mum Guilt: 5 Evidence-Backed Ways to Kick it Out of Your Workout Routine

Here’s how we start shifting the mindset — one small, realistic step at a time:

1. Ask for Help (Yes, You’re Allowed To )

You are not meant to do it all, and definitely not alone. Whether it’s asking your partner to cover bedtime, swapping kid duty with a friend, or outsourcing some childcare, asking for help is not a weakness.

🧠 Why it works: A 2019 study in the Journal of Health Psychology found that mothers who had social support were significantly more likely to sustain regular physical activity and experience lower stress.

✅ Try this: Choose one time this week where you delegate something — even if it’s just a 20-minute window to walk, stretch, or dance in the kitchen like it’s 2008. Start there. Protect that time by ensuring you won’t be interrupted. Make it a priority and make sure everyone at home knows it is important.

2. Do the Kind of Movement You Actually Like

Hate burpees? Cool. Don’t do them. The best workout is the one you look forward to, not the one you dread. It doesn’t have to be structured, sweaty, or 45 minutes long to count.

🧠 Why it works: Enjoyment is one of the strongest predictors of long-term exercise adherence (Deci & Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory backs this up again and again). Stay tuned for more on this from me, thank you please.

✅ Try this: Make a list of 3 ways you enjoy moving your body - walking, dancing, yoga, chasing your toddler around the park - and pick one this week. Give yourself 10 minutes to search for a class and get it booked, or to find the Youtube workout you want to do so it’s ready to go and you don’t waste your protected time.

3. Track How You Feel, Not Just What You Do

We’re trained to focus on numbers: calories, steps, reps. But what if you tracked how you felt before and after each bit of movement instead? That’s where the real motivation lives.

🧠 Why it works: Research from the International Journal of Behavioural Nutrition and Physical Activity shows that positive affect post-exercise can build lasting intrinsic motivation — meaning, you keep doing it because it feels good. It’s also a much quicker win than a dress size or a number on the scale.

✅ Try this: Keep a simple “Feel-Good Log.” After each movement session, jot down a word or two: energised, proud, calmer. Let your mood be the milestone.

4. Reframe Guilt as a Signal, Not a Sentence

Guilt doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong: it just means you care. It’s a signpost pointing to your values. But it doesn’t need to be a barrier.

🧠 Why it works: Cognitive reappraisal- the practice of reframing how we interpret emotions -  has been proven to reduce guilt, stress, and emotional burnout (Gross, 2002). Again, you’ll find more on this in future blogs so stay tuned!

✅ Try this: When guilt creeps in, remind yourself: It’s not either/or. It’s both/and. Remember that you deserve it too, and it isn’t selfish.

5. Connect with Other Mums Who Get It

You don’t have to carry this alone. The shame, the stops and starts, the feeling of being the only one struggling: it lifts when you hear “me too.”

🧠 Why it works: A sense of community is one of the most powerful drivers of behaviour change. In fact, research consistently links social connection with improved mental health, consistency, and self-worth.

✅ Try this: Join a local mum walk, a Facebook group, or even message a friend to start an “accountability chat.” No pressure, just support. You deserve to be in spaces where your story is seen. Ditch the scroll or Netflix tonight and find yourself a starting point.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Failing. You’re Finding Your Way Back

Here’s the thing about mum guilt: it thrives in silence. In isolation. In those quiet moments when we feel like the only one not “doing it right.”

But you are not broken. You’re not selfish for wanting to feel good in your body. You’re not wrong for needing more than survival mode.

You’re simply a woman remembering her worth: one walk, one breath, one brave choice at a time.

So let this be your sign. To move, not for punishment - but for power. To show your kids that mums matter too. To show them what you can achieve when you stick to your goals. That joy, strength, and self-care aren’t optional. They’re essential.

Start small. Start messy. Just start.
Because another year stuck in guilt? That’s not your story anymore. 💛

Would you like a downloadable Feel-Good Tracker, mum-friendly movement ideas, or to join a community of other mums redefining exercise? I’ve got you. Drop your email on my contact page or come say hi on Instagram. Let’s do this together.